Performing an intervention

It’s tough to confront people. But confronting someone about an addiction in a formal, carefully thought-out way, with the help of a counselor, can help turn things around. This process is called an "intervention."

Alicia's father

"Doing an intervention on my father was the hardest thing we ever did and the best thing we ever did," says Alicia.

For as long as she could remember, Alicia's father, Howard, drank too much. He often came home drunk in the evenings after a long day on the road as a salesman. His wife and children worried that he would cause a car accident. They also worried about his health, because he had coronary artery disease. And during family gatherings, Howard caused horrible arguments.

It wasn't until Howard was 70 that the family decided to do an intervention. Alicia initiated it. Since her early 20s she had struggled with alcoholism. In her 30s she stopped drinking and began going to Alcoholics Anonymous. Now in her mid-40s, Alicia convinced everyone that an intervention was the best way to get Howard to stop drinking.

Preparing to intervene

Anyone who is close to the addicted person -- a family member, friend or co-worker -- can initiate an intervention. Typically, those involved will meet with a counselor to learn about their loved one’s addiction. Then they discuss how the addict’s behavior has affected them. This discussion helps everyone to focus on the consequences of addiction and not on judging or blaming the addicted person.

Alicia explains how she, her brother, sister and mother planned their intervention.

"First of all, we met for months with a social worker, Barry, who specialized in addiction counseling. We learned from him what alcoholism is all about. That's really important, because it helped us understand what was going on with Dad.

"Then Barry got all of us to talk about how Dad's alcoholism affected each of us. These stories helped us concentrate on what we wanted Dad to understand about what his alcoholism was doing to us. Barry explained that it was important that the intervention wouldn't put Dad on the defensive. It wasn’t about calling Dad a bad person, it was just talking about how the alcoholism had affected the family."

Another important part of an intervention is for the loved ones to explain what they’d like to see happen next, now that they’ve made it clear how they feel about their loved one’s behavior.

Alicia continues, "Barry said we would have to tell Dad what we expected from the intervention. We agreed that what we wanted was for him to agree to stop drinking and to go to AA [Alcoholics Anonymous]."

The intervention

When Alicia's family felt ready, they decided to meet with Howard on a Sunday morning.

Alicia recalls, "He and Mom had gone to church, so the three of us, plus Barry, gathered in the living room to wait for them to come home. We were nervous -- scared to death. But we felt prepared, and we all believed that it was the best thing to do.

"When Dad and Mom got home and came in the living room, naturally he was surprised to see us there. None of us lives with them anymore. So we quickly said hi to him and then introduced Barry. Barry explained that everybody had gathered together because they had some important things to say to Dad about his drinking. He also explained that we were doing this because we cared so much about Dad.

"We were incredibly lucky with the way things went. We went around the room and each of us told a story about how Dad’s drinking affected us personally. We got teary, and Dad got teary. When we were finished, Dad said he was overwhelmed but touched. He agreed to stop drinking, and then we all sat down to lunch. After lunch, he went to an AA meeting with me."

Not always ideal

The story of Howard's family is a best-case scenario. Interventions don’t always go smoothly.

Sometimes the addict gets angry, walks out and refuses to change. That's why it's important to work with a counselor to make plans for all possible outcomes.

No need to "hit bottom"

A common misperception is that addicts must "hit bottom" before they can get better. The reality is that most people with addictions cannot change on their own. And their loved ones don’t deal with it until things have gotten quite bad.

If you notice even subtle signs that someone you love may be engaging in a destructive, addictive behavior, try to do something about it. It's never too early.

Related Links

Alcohol and drug inventory

Allina Behavioral Health Services: Substance abuse programs

Addiction: What is it?

Drugs: Is someone using?

First published: 02/01/2003
Last updated: 09/01/2005

Reviewed by: Tim Gibbs, MD, medical director, Outpatient Clinic, Abbott Northwestern Hospital Behavioral Health Services; Paul Goering, MD, medical director, United Hospital Behavioral Health Services; Paul Kleeberg, MD, medical director, Internet/Intranet Services, Allina Hospitals & Clinics; Donna Krzmarzick, RN, director, Cambridge Medical Center Behavioral Health Services; Robin McAlister, MD, psychiatrist, Mercy Hospital; Anil Sipahimalani, MD, Allina Behavioral Health Services - Northtown Clinic; Susan Tabor, RN, BSN, director, United Hospital Behavioral Health Services