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How to talk to children about death

Communication about death, as with all communication, is easier when children feel they have our permission to talk about the subject and believe we are sincerely interested in their views and questions. To encourage your child to communicate listen attentively, and answer questions honestly.

Every child is an individual. Communication about death depends on the child's age and experiences. Very young children may view death as temporary and may be more concerned about separation from their loved ones than about death itself. They can absorb only limited amounts of information. Give brief simple answers, and repeat them as often as necessary.

You may not always "hear" what children are really asking. Sometimes you can respond to a question with a question in order to clarify what they are asking and to fully understand their concerns.

Children often feel guilty and angry when they lose a close family member. Reassure them that nothing they did or said caused the death. And remember to reassure them that they will continue to be loved and cared for.

Children may mourn a deeply felt loss periodically for many years. Give them support and understanding through this grief process and permission to show their feelings openly and freely.

Allina Grief Resources
651-628-1752

First published: 05/28/2000
Last updated: 09/15/2004

Reviewed by: Russell N. Myers, M.Div, BCC, Chaplain, Allina Hospitals & Clinics; Linda Norlander, RN, MS, project manager, Allina End of Life Project; Judy Young, M.Ed, Bereavement Services, Allina Hospice and Palliative Care